Family Work

So last time I wrote an article on the perfect house, but I skipped the process of how to keep up with the things that have to be done.  So today I am writing about family work which is the process that has worked for us for years.  Now I have to go back a little and tell you that I have tried every chore chart and system in the book, and none of it worked.  I made cute charts and Excel charts and had stickers and check marks and rewards, and none of it worked.  In fact, some of it made things worse.  Not only did I have to keep up with all the chores, but I also had to keep up with who was doing their chores and who was not and then I had to discipline the ones who weren't doing their chores.  Then I read an article on Family Work - here is the link http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151.  This changed my life!  Now that sounds dramatic, but it really revolutionized how I did things in my home and made my life and my home run so much smoother.  This is how it works.  If I am working my children are working.  I call it family work, they call it "boss around" which I have taken in stride and embraced my inner oldest child who is bossy anyway :)  So we tackle each room as a family.  When dinner is over, everyone gets up and starts to work.  Someone clears the table and another puts food away.  I usually load the dishwasher because I have this freakish ability to pack things in very efficiently.  Someone else washes counters and someone else sweeps and in ten minutes the dishes are done.  We have continued the dinner conversation or talked about a book or sang songs through the whole thing and no one is fighting or complaining.  The work is done efficiently and I don't have to keep up with who did their chores and who didn't.  We do all the other common rooms basically the same way and the children are responsible for their own rooms.  Twice a year or so I go into their rooms for a "mommy clean" which they have to help with and which they hate, but it gets the drawers and closets cleaned and they are good for another six months.  Bigger chores get handled the same way whether it is the yard, cleaning the garage or spring cleaning the deck.  All the work gets done and I don't resent the fact that the kids are laying around while I am working.  The greatest benefit has been that the children realize that they are an integral part of our home and we couldn't homeschool without all their work.  They love home schooling so on the occasions when they get cranky I remind them that I am not super mom and if they want to home school they have to help.  Another benefit is that my big kids have gone off to college fully capable of taking care of themselves.  I don't like housework any more than anyone else, but I have learned to truly love the time I spend working beside my children for the good of the whole family.

The Perfect House

Housekeeping is always an issue when you homeschool.  I have seen this going around the internet and it made me smile so I thought I would put some thoughts down about the more mundane but essential part of life - keeping the house clean and functioning.  http://thestressedmom.com/2012/03/10-habits-for-a-well-run-home/  Now, lest anyone accuse me of being a messy homemaker I want to nip that in the bud.  I love a clean house and I mean love it, but one of the obvious negatives to having all your children home all day is that it is almost impossible to keep your house completely clean for longer than 10 minutes.  The thing I learned about myself a very long time ago was that I could be a good mom or have a clean house, but I couldn’t do both.  If the house was clean I was constantly yelling at my kids to not make a mess and I didn't want them to get stuff out (this was all before I started homeschooling).  One day I had an epiphany and I made a conscious choice that I would rather be a good mom than have a perfectly clean house.  And yes I have read the Fly Lady and many many more in my quest for a clean house.  After fighting this fight for 22 years now I have learned a few things about myself, about the process and about the value of a clean home and the relationships involved therein.  First, I learned I didn't like myself when I was yelling at my kids to keep things neat.  I also learned that I need quite a bit of sleep to be a sane person so staying up until 1am cleaning house was simply not an option.  So something had to give and the answer for me was the house.  It doesn't have feelings and really my family didn't care as much as I did.  So on the far side of 22 years of parenting and 12 years of homeschooling I am here to say that a perfect house doesn't matter.  Yes, we all need systems to keep food on the table, dishes clean, clothes on our children and the dog hair vacuumed off the floor.  However, I don't think that a perfect house is worth contention and hurt feelings nor keeping children from feeling that we actually like having them in our homes.  Now I am sure there are many people who can do both, but I don’t happen to be one of them.  Second, I learned how little children especially care about the house.  I also learned that family work is the key to keeping the house running.  I am going to write a separate post about this one.  I learned that good relationships are built when you work with children and not against them.  I love that my big kids love to come home and what they want is yummy food not a pristine house. They also want back rubs and to sit on my bed at night and talk about what we are reading or doing.  I am so glad that I let the clean house go and spent the time with my children talking, reading, eating, working and cuddling not worrying about a perfect house!