Change is Hard

I have been home schooling for 12 years.  Things change every year and you would think that I would be used to that by now.  That small changes wouldn't throw me for a loop anymore.  Yesterday Joshua, my youngest, looked over at the table where Matthew (#3) used to work and wanted to know if he could move over there.  Matthew has been working in the dining room for over a year now because it is quieter down there and he can spread out.  So yesterday, Joshua moved to the other table and is no longer sitting beside me everyday for school.  He has sat beside me everyday for that last 7 years!  It is such a little thing so why have I been near to tears for two days.  Because he is growing up!  Because I only have one more year with Matthew and he too will be off to college.  Where have all the years gone?  When I had four children under 12 and was learning to homeschool, I thought this day would never come and if it did I would have a party.  Now, as my children grow up and continue their lives mostly outside of my home I find myself teary instead of happy, melancholy instead of exhilarated.  These last 12 years have been such a gift from a loving Father that I have not the words to thank Him.  I thought I was doing this great service for my children when in fact it has been so much joy for me.  I know they must grow up.  It is the way of things, but I am grateful for endless days together.  I am grateful for meals and books shared for loving memories and all the blessings that have filled my home all because I chose to bring my children home and to enjoy them to the very fullest every single day.