Change is Hard

I have been home schooling for 12 years.  Things change every year and you would think that I would be used to that by now.  That small changes wouldn't throw me for a loop anymore.  Yesterday Joshua, my youngest, looked over at the table where Matthew (#3) used to work and wanted to know if he could move over there.  Matthew has been working in the dining room for over a year now because it is quieter down there and he can spread out.  So yesterday, Joshua moved to the other table and is no longer sitting beside me everyday for school.  He has sat beside me everyday for that last 7 years!  It is such a little thing so why have I been near to tears for two days.  Because he is growing up!  Because I only have one more year with Matthew and he too will be off to college.  Where have all the years gone?  When I had four children under 12 and was learning to homeschool, I thought this day would never come and if it did I would have a party.  Now, as my children grow up and continue their lives mostly outside of my home I find myself teary instead of happy, melancholy instead of exhilarated.  These last 12 years have been such a gift from a loving Father that I have not the words to thank Him.  I thought I was doing this great service for my children when in fact it has been so much joy for me.  I know they must grow up.  It is the way of things, but I am grateful for endless days together.  I am grateful for meals and books shared for loving memories and all the blessings that have filled my home all because I chose to bring my children home and to enjoy them to the very fullest every single day.

Park Day

Yesterday was park day!  It was so nice to get out in the sunshine and forget for an hour.  Forget about the messy house (after five days of school the house looks like a tornado blew through -oh my!), the grading still to be done and the million other things on my very long list.  It was nice to visit with amazing women who also have a messy house, but who love their kids and are doing their best.  I love watching kids playing and running around and organizing games amongst themselves.  I have been home schooling for 12 years and my youngest is the only one who regularly goes to park day anymore.  I am by far the oldest mom there and yet even when I go thinking that I will try to be a support and a help to the other mothers I find myself getting back in the car with a smile on my face.  I've laughed and talked and been lifted and I just feel better.  So here is a plea to all home school moms everywhere.  Get out and join with other like minded moms.  They need you and you need them.  Park days are wonderful and today I am grateful for the amazing women I am privileged to know!

A Glimpse into our World

So it is cold here in beautiful NC!  OK everyone who lives in cold climates it is cold for the South :)  It was 30 degrees when we woke up this morning and my husband turns the heat way down at night so when the boys started their school day today they piled up in front of the heat vents with blankets.  Please note that they are both still wearing shorts.  Somehow, I have not gotten the message across that when it is cold you actually need warm clothes!  They are actually moving, but slowly today.  Is it possible that when you live in the South you turn into part reptile?

Monday Mornings

Does anyone else have a hard time getting started on Monday mornings?  I have tried every system known and nothing seems to stem the Monday morning crazies.  We have tried planning the week on Friday so we have time to get to the library.  We have tried and been mostly successful with planning the week on Sunday, but there still seems to be residual weekend stuff spilling into Monday mornings.  And then there are the Sundays that are too busy to plan school for the next week and we have to do it on Monday morning.  Aaaaggghhh!  This is one of those weeks and I feel like a loony person.  Somehow when I start the week behind, I never feel on top of things.  Thank heavens the weather is nice and the trees are full of color here in beautiful NC.  Maybe that is why God made the seasons, so that when we are dying on a Monday morning in the fall we can look out the window and the beauty just takes our breath away.  Then when we feel like we can't be cooped up with kids another week spring comes and everyone heads outside without coats and a miracle happens.  Maybe, we'll go out and play in the leaves and watch for a miracle!! :)

Mentoring

A woman at church called me today with that desperate sound in her voice.  Could I come over today and help her figure some things out that weren't working with her homeschool?  In twelve years of homeschooling I can't tell you how many times I have done this.  I must admit though I always leave feeling like I haven't really been much help.  Oh, I go over curriculum and offer suggestions and encourage them that some of that stuff can be dropped out and yes it is ok to skip this or that and it is ok to be at different levels in different subjects.  But in the end there simply is no substitute for prayer and time.  How do you tell a struggling mom to drop to her knees and plead with the Lord for guidance?  It just doesn't feel immediate enough.  How do you tell her that it takes time to overcome your own preconceived notions of what school looks like?  Note that I didn't say education.  How do you tell someone that is just starting out that in twelve years you too will see things so differently than you do today?  It is constantly intriguing to me that God created us in such a way that I cannot put what is in my mind and heart into someone else's mind and heart.  They must learn for themselves.  So tonight for me mentoring is not about a transference of knowledge, but about  lifting the hands that hang down and strengthening the feeble knees.  And I am happy to tell other moms that things get better, you get better at judging what is really important and what can be let go, you get better at understanding your children, you get better at listening to the Lord and following His guidance, you get better at making learning a lifestyle and not a curriculum choice.  So tonight as I head to bed I will remember her in my prayers and hope that the Lord through His grace strengthens her as He does for me.

Validation

I came across this article today on my Facebook and I loved it!  I loved it so much I bought the book!!  Sometimes I feel like a lone voice crying that we need to be tougher and raise expectations for our children.  They can do better than what most of them are doing.  As I read this article I remembered the day when my oldest son was in his freshman year of college.  He called home to fuss at me a little :)  He had written a paper, I don't even remember for what class, but he said he didn't do a good job on the paper and I would have given him maybe a "C" and made him re-do it.  The teacher in his college class gave him an "A" on the paper.  He said it wasn't fair that home school was harder than college.  I gently reminded him that I am his mother and I know full well what he is capable of doing and I expected him to do his best, and besides wasn't he happy that he could write "A" papers in college!  He grudgingly admitted that he was happy he knew how to write, but still!!!  Why, oh why, do we think that our children are so weak that they can't be held to high standards?  If Mary and Laura Ingalls could stay alone for a full day at 9 and 7 and even manage and out of control cow, then why can't our children work hard and be exceptional.  They are really no different from children 100 years ago except that back then kids were held to high standards and today we just keep lowering the bar afraid that we are going to hurt their fragile egos.  Well, here stands one lone real life home school mama who is holding the bar high and expecting great things from her very real life every day kids!!!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304213904579095303368899132.html

Homeschooling in Crisis - Lessons Learned

I have been absent of late.  As a family we have faced a new crisis.  On August 1st my husband was told that the company buying his company was not going to keep the Biostatistics department and that his last day would be August 3rd.  So all my plans of homeschooling through the summer have fallen by the way as we emptied Jeff's office and he came home to look for a new job.  I have heard people talk about homeschooling through a crisis, but minus having a baby I have never really done it.  Now I have!  Some people say to keep homeschooling some say to just stop until the crisis passes.  I'm not sure I have a specific choice, but I have definitely learned a few lessons along the way.

First, we did keep at least putzing away at schooling.  We had no idea how long Jeff would be out of work so the thought of stopping all school was a little too scary especially with a high schooler.  Putzing for us usually means math, reading and some writing, but everything else drops out until things get back to normal.  I did lose all my summer plans which was ok.

Second, I can't share office/work space with my husband.  I have been married to this man for 25 years and we have shared everything, but he and I cannot work in the same space!  He seems to know this instinctively.  He has never wanted to work from home and on the rare days that he does he is miserable.  He just gets more done at work.  I, on the other hand, being a mom and having very little control over my life am more flexible and go with the flow of events.  You know if you homeschool how this is.  Mom's who homeschool recognize that even the best laid plans can be blown apart in the  matter of minutes with a sick child or broken appliances or whatever else decides to blow up today.  My sweet husband does not know how to "go with the flow"!!!

Third, I learned that even in trial the Lord holds us in the palm of His hand.  Jeff ended up with three job offers in less than a month.  One of the recruiters he worked with told him that this is unheard of - if you are lucky you get 1 job offer in the first six weeks of unemployment.  We were able to stay in North Carolina and Jeff has the same commute as before with almost the same salary.  Jeff was unemployed for five weeks and we had to pull very little money out of savings.  We feel very blessed and know that it is the Lord who is blessing us.

Fourth, things eventually get back to normal.  We are back to normal school days, except of course that both boys have colds and my 97yo grandmother is dying so I am making multiple trips to see her.  OK - maybe there is no such thing as normal! :)  But learning continues anyway even when things are less than ideal.  I am so grateful to be able to homeschool my children.  I am grateful that they see that life isn't perfect and doesn't revolve around them.  I am grateful to watch them pick up the ball and work where needed and comfort where needed and then on their own study and work even when things aren't ideal.  They are amazing people and I am so grateful to be their mother and to spend so much time with them.  Even on my most tired days there is no other way I would have it!